Usually we have a good time when we do things together as a family. This time we didn’t. To be fair, it wasn’t so much Santa Monica Pier that failed here. It was us, Google Maps, and the whole cast of locals and tourists who joined us for this debacle.
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Set Up For Failure
We didn’t actually intend to go to Santa Monica Pier, but we were ridiculously early getting to the LAX airport area and needed something to do. So, instead of just stopping for lunch, we got lunch to go and decided to take it to Santa Monica Pier for a picnic. No research, no planning, just spontaneous fun, right?
Wrong Way
Now, it may have been updated since we were there, but Google Maps did not know what it was talking about when it tried to give us directions to the pier. It tried to send us the wrong way down a one-way street, told us to take a U-turn where it was expressly prohibited, and just generally messed us up. Add to that some less-than-obvious signage, and it took us awhile to even get to a parking spot. And all this time, our food was sitting in the take-out bag.
Dinner and a Show
We finally found a (really expensive) place to park, grabbed our food, and hoofed it to the chess park where a nice guy offered to play a game with us. However, we were all about lunch, so we politely declined. The food was cold and soggy, but we were hungry, so we made the best of it.
Now, a beach with a walking path has an ever-changing cast of characters. It’s like a cross between speed dating and an improv theater-in-the-round. You never know what’s going to come out of it. Take the chess-playing man and the roller-blading Mennonite women – I couldn’t make that up if I tried. The women stopped off for water and snacks, and then as they left, the man tried to tell them that they had forgotten one of their helmets. They insisted that they had not. I’m not sure why, because we could all see it sitting right there where they had been. Off they went. After a bit, the man shrugged, put the helmet in his shopping cart, and went along his way.
Enter: Man with Slurred Voice and Confrontational Woman in a Bikini. None of us can remember how their altercation started, though they thoughtfully projected the whole dialogue so that everyone in the audience could hear them. They did not seem to know one another but quickly jumped over the preliminaries. Since we’re a family blog, let’s just say that each began to cast aspersions on the other’s character, lineage, favored pastimes, and probable professions.
By this point, the kids are giving us the, “what the heck?” look, and we’re giving them the “just finish your lunch so we can go” look. And that’s when the roller-skating women came back to look for the helmet which they’d left, which sort of brought it full circle. We gave up on lunch.
The Pier
Still determined to salvage something from the outing, we headed for the pier. This had some fair-type rides, snacks, and arcade games. Under normal circumstances, you’d expect kids would be all about that scene. Justin was prepared to bankroll the fun and start buying tickets, but here again we hit a snag. We’d just spent the previous week going to Disney and Universal, riding top-notch attractions and stuffing ourselves with churros. The kids all agreed that they were all funned-out in that regard. So then what were we supposed to do?
The Beach
Well, the beach was right there. So, with forced smiles, the kids and I headed down to the sand. We didn’t have any gear or towels or anything, but we figured we could wade for a bit. This was actually nice for 30 minutes or so, even though the beach was really, really crowded.
After a bit, the guys let us know we needed to start heading for the airport. We grabbed our shoes and hiked up to the shower area. Which was terrible. Only one spigot was working, and everyone wanted to use it. A spirit of cooperation was decidedly lacking, and the area was filthy. There were abandoned pieces of clothing and old diapers trampled into the wet sand. Our feet were still covered in sand and even more wet from the soggy area, and now there was an “ick” factor. Even if we had fought our way to the water, there was nowhere clean to stand, so by the time you stepped away from the spigot, your feet would be covered in the icky sand again.
It’s a good thing we hadn’t spent money on rides and games earlier, because we used the money now. The guys bought an overpriced beach towel and several bottles of water. We sat on some steps, doused our feet, and then dried off enough to get our socks on again. Then we headed off to the airport, worried that we were going to be late. We weren’t, but you probably know what it’s like to fret about missing your flight all the way to the airport.
Our Take
To be fair about the whole thing, there seemed to be lots of people at Santa Monica Pier having a perfectly good time. We just weren’t those people. I’ve since talked to several other people who didn’t enjoy Santa Monica pier at all either, so maybe it wasn’t just us. Nothing all that awful happened of course, but if you bring up Santa Monica Pier at our house everyone starts groaning. At the very least, it was a memorable shared experience–much like the time we camped in a rainstorm without tent poles. But that’s a story for another day.
Have you been to Santa Monica Pier? What did you think? Be sure to scroll down to leave a question or comment below.
